The Logic of a United States Marine

The recent discovery of my biological family has been an incredible journey. In the months ahead, I expect I will tell my story. There are a lot of pieces, and the very fact that I am here to tell you about those pieces is nothing short of a miracle. God’s grace. Providence. Whatever you feel most comfortable with. In order to tell the story however, I need to ensure that the details are correct. Until then, I would like to share with you another story. This story is one that I found by scouring through papers that were left for me about my family. 

It is the story of my Grandfather, who I have the honor of sharing a birthday. My Grandfather who was also a United States Marine. My Grandfather, who was also apparently, a smart man as well as a smart ass.

The following is a direct line by line retelling of the story as told by my Grandfather Weldon Spradlin, complete with his misspellings and typo’s. I think it is brilliant.

Spradlin's Company MCRD San Diego 1955

While in the Marine Corps I found it necessary to learn a good deal about military law. During the time I was training troops, I found it necessary to bend the rules on occasion, therefore I sometimes found myself afoul of the law. While this caused me no end of concern, it did inhance my education.

"The first time I found it necessary to learn about law I was charged with Willful Destruction of Government Property, to the specifications that I did order my troops to bury their rifles, order my troops to pour water over the graves until the ground was muddy and order my troops to run back and forth over the graves until they were obscured. For this I could have been sent to prison for twenty years.

I was guilty as sin.

I could find no military lawyer who would say he could win the case so I took out a copy of the UCMJ (uniform code of military justice) and a copy of the MCM (manual for courts martial) and went to work. I was able to get a delay to allow me to prepare and for the next two months I spent all my time with my nose in one of the books. Then we went to pre-trial.

After two day of presentations the prosecution had even me convinced that I should be bound over for trial. Then it was my turn. I called my only witness whom I shall call Pvt. A, because I can’t remember his name, and ask him the following questions:

Q. Pvt. A do you know what this is? (I held up a rifle)

A. Yes sir, that’s a U.S. rifle, caliber 30, M1.

Q. How long would it take you to field strip this weapon, wipe it clean and put it back together, blindfolded?

A. About 30 seconds Sir.

I then set up a table with the rifle on it, blindfolded him and had the court time him while he did so, in less than 20 seconds. I then addressed the court. 'Gentlemen of the court, the defense moves for dismissal. It should be obvious that the troops I have trained are of the highest caliber, there are few men in the world who can match what Pvt. A has just done. I also submit the record of the platoon on the firing range, of seventy fife men in the platoon all have qualified at least as marksmen, over half are sharpshooters and the had the highest number of experts on the range when they shot for record, and they shot with the rifles I am charged with destroying. It is true that some small damage may have been done to the rifles because of the methods I used in training, however, the demonstration you have just seen plus the records of these men on the firing range surely proves the ability of these troop to repair any damage done to the rifles. Furthermore it is evident that the cost of any damage done to the rifles has been more than offset by the value of improved proficiency of the troops. If this court believes that rifles that set records on the firing range have been willfully destroyed then you must hold me for trial, if not then you have no choice but to dismiss the charges.'

The charges were dismissed."

Spradlin "Keeping Watch" for his Honor Platoon circa 1955

Semper Fi, Grand Dad. 

We are still savages...

...and looks like we always were.