The following is a transcription of a presentation I make to all of my new students. Most of these young people have had little to no structure in their young lives. A lot of them are from the street, and have learned behaviors that have kept them safe for eighteen or more years. They distrust authority and they have little use for our rules.These are not thought processes that go away overnight. In some cases, they never do.
As I discussed in my previous post "Everything's Relational," it is all about the relationships. How I go about aiding these outstanding young people is by building that meaningful relationship with them. My time is very limited, sometimes less than two-hundred days. So these relationships have to be formed quickly. The message that follows is the tool that I use with each new group of youth that I have the honor of working with. It is my method of introducing myself prior to my lecture on safety, security and transportation policy during their orientation period.
I owe a special thanks to Mr. Craig Gray, Mr. Jack Hoban, and the late Dr. Robert L. Humphrey for the source material that has provided me with something extremely valuable for hundreds of students over the past four years. I have in some spaces paraphrased the story, but I have kept the message pure.
Good morning, everybody.
I said, "Good MORNING, EVERYBODY!"
Jeez, you guys are used to staying up all night aren't you?
Who knows who I am?
Yeah, I'm the PO-LICE. No, I'm not the police. And if anyone gives me the whole "Top Flight Security of the World" thing I'll...
What? Because my name is Craig. I get that Friday, joke all the time! NEVER gets old! "Top Flight Security of the World, Craig!" Yeah, real funny.
Okay, do I have your attention now? Cool! Because I want to welcome you! I gotta tell you, the amount of respect I have for all of you is tremendous. It takes a lot to put everything you were doing or were behind you, pack up and leave home to come to a place like this to make a change...hopefully for the better. How many of you is this your first time away from home? Really! Wow! That's awesome. I totally respect the hell outa' that!
And speaking of "respect," before we go too far, I want to ask you all a question; What is YOUR definition of "respect?"
Being polite to others? Good.
Treating other people the way you want to be treated? Good!
We're on the right track, but I want to tell you all a story that will let you know what my definition of "respect" is. I promise you, I PROMISE you, that by the end of this story we will all be on the same page, okay? Cool.
How many of you like history? I do. Especially military history. As a marine, I like hearing stories of the great battles of the South Pacific, especially the stories of Iwo Jima. Iwo Jima was one of the most terrible battles of the war, you know? A lot of people died on both sides. You probably know about it, even if you don't KNOW that you know, you know? All of you probably have seen (or seen pictures of) the marines raising the flag on Mount Suribachi. It's pretty famous, and it became the symbol of victory in the South Pacific.
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| U.S. Marines raise the American Flag on Mt. Siribachi, Febrauary, 1945 |
You see, at my heart I am still a warrior.
As a warrior, I listen to the stories of the warriors who came before me, and the warrior whose story I am about to share was a veteran of this--no a survivor of this battle on Iwo Jima. Now, I never met this man personally, but this story--this message--came to me, handed down by a man I respect tremendously, another warrior (ironically also named Craig) who turned me on to this book called "Values for a New Millennium," by a man named Robert L. Humphrey.
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| Dr. Robert L. Humphrey 1923-1997 |
Robert Humphrey was a marine too. After the war, Humphrey worked for the United States Government. He travelled the world and this story found him in Asia Minor--kind of between the Middle East and Europe. The day this all happened, Humphrey was with a group of young Americans who were heading out into the countryside to do some boar hunting. They came to a small village where they were going to hire some of the peasants to work for them as guides, or to flush out the pigs so that they could shoot them.
Well, this village was... you know the type. You have seen them on those television commercials, right? Run down buildings, little kids with no pants on and swollen bellies, flies buzzing around and crawling on their little faces. There is no food, no clean water. Maybe there is sewage or garbage in the street, so it smells. The people don't look like us, or talk like us... you know what I mean, right?
So, what happens when you see stuff like this? It's stupid to live like that right? Who would live that way? Think about the homeless guys and the crackheads you see wandering around here talking to themselves, right? Its kind of funny isn't it? Well, that's what these Americans thought too when they came into this village.
Humphrey described one young man as saying something like, "Look at these people. They live like animals. They smell bad, they got no teeth," or something like that. Then this young American said; "They have nothing to live for. They might as well be dead."
How many of you have thought you would rather be dead than be one of those little kids with a swollen belly on TV?
Well, Humphrey then described what I like to think of as one of my distant relatives. He says that some old backwoods, hillbilly sergeant from Tennessee or something jumped down out of the back of a Jeep or truck and ::spitting sound:: spits out this big blob of tobacco. The sergeant walks up to the young American who had made the comment about how they should all be dead, and pulled out a big ole' knife and handed it to the young man, saying;
"If you don't think these people have anything to live for, take my knife and go out there and try and kill one of 'em and watch how fast they mess you up."
Yeah. I know.What do you say to that?
So Dr. Humphrey asked this sergeant, what he meant by that. This is the answer that he got. I'm going to read it right out of the book.
"You know, when we are making fun of them, they are looking back up at us there on the truck and saying 'Laugh, you bastards in your fancy clothes, but we don't care how sweet you smell, or how rich you are, or where you come from. We value our lives and our loved ones just as much as you do yours. And if you don't give us that, you have got to go..."
"...You got to be able to jump down off the truck into the sheep manure, go over there into that village of mud huts, walk down those narrow streets, and pick the dirtiest, stinkin'est peasant that you meet; and as you walk past him, you got to be able to make him know, just with your eyes that you know that he is a man who hurts like we do, and hopes like we do, and wants for his kids just like we all do. Thats how you got to be able to do it. Nothin' else ain't going to work."
So...
What did you get out of Humphrey's story? What was his message? His moral?
Come on! This is an interactive presentation! This is where you interact!
You--what did you think?
Yeah. Like that. Other people's stuff is important to them, just like yours is to you isn't it? And "stuff" is more than just your house, or your friends, or your cell phone. You have to remember that everyone wants to have a good life, a full belly, love, belonging, a roof over their head... just like we do right?
That, ladies and gentlemen, is my definition of respect! Being able to see and recognize that trait in others. Does that make sense? Nobody in this room is any better than anybody else. Myself included. I am no better than any of you. I just have a different job to do. A different role to play.
How does this apply? What are you all here for? What is your job?
That's right!
To make a career and a good life for yourselves, right? What is my job? To help you, right? That's it. That sums up my job. Now, sometimes y'all won't like how I help you, but that is why I am here. And I won't ever ask you to do something I have not or would not do myself.
Is that fair?
So if you ever have any issues, problems, bitches, gripes or complaints and you need somewhere to go, come up to my cave and close the door. Feel free to speak to me any way you need to in order to get your point across. I have thick skin. I promise, just two adults working out a problem. Hopefully a "win-win" situation!
But... Do not feel free to speak to me any way you see fit out there, on the grounds, in the vehicles or in the dorms. You see out there, we can't be the two adults working out a problem, because out there we have an audience. Out there, I have a title, a job and responsibility given to me by the company. Out there it will be a student and a staff member. Out there it may not be a "win-win." Out there, you probably won't like how it ends up.
Does that make sense? Is that fair?
Now that you have an understanding of where I am coming from, I hope that we can use this as a foundation to build upon. This is your home away from home until you complete your education here. I will treat it as such. If you have issues with other staff--especially my own--not being respectful to you or your home, I want to know about it. We will all talk through it like adults.
Fair? Cool!
Thus ends my introduction to the student population of my facility. While this lays the foundation for establishing trust and respectful relationships, it does not guarantee smooth sailing utopian existence during the next one to two years. The "warrior" ethic seems to appeal more to the young men than it does the women, but all seem to agree on what it means to respect others. And I'm telling you when I recite the part about how fast the villagers would mess up the Americans, you can hear a pin drop in that classroom.
I do my best every day to see in others the same things I want for myself. Often I fall short. I know that as far down that road as I have travelled,I still have a long way to go, as do all of us. And even though we may never evolve to that level Edison talks about, we have to keep trying.
Until then...
We are still savages.
If you want to learn more about Dr. Robert L. Humphrey or his work, or to order a copy of Values for a New Millennium visit Amazon.com:
or the Resolution Group International (RGI) web page:
Also I recommend you check out Craig Gray's blog "The Ocean and the Wave"
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