What if it was Someone Important to You?

Another article on LinkedIn has gotten my attention, and I feel the need to do a little bit more than post a few dozen words in response this time. The article posted, entitled "Why Dress Codes Can't Stop Sexual Assault," and can be read here:

https://www.washingtonpost.com/posteverything/wp/2016/04/13/why-dress-codes-cant-stop-sexual-assault/

Now, I saw a number of responses to this link that said things like "When your wardrobe includes a concealed handgun, it does provide a defense against assault,” and that women "should learn martial arts." Other comments read "Rape is so shocking and brutal. Our response needs to be the same--shocking and brutal," or “but if you are willing to show your cleavage, you should probably be willing to carry a gun." I even read how one executive had to "send females home because of how inappropriate they were dressed, and then they would complain about how they were treated" and would demand that the organization "go after" the men who had offended them. 

The responses came from men and women alike and in my opinion, greatly missed the bigger issue.

Last weekend, I was with my wife and some friends at our favorite beach bar. While I was getting drinks for the group, my wife and her girlfriend made their way to one of the back doors to use the restroom. There a man was blocking the way with his foot up on a table. My wife politely asked the man to move his foot, to which he responded "I'm sorry, I can't. It's broken." 

My wife, looking at his foot (which was clearly fine) asked him again to please move, albeit a bit more assertively. The man said "no, really. It's broken. I can't move it." Finally, my wife looked at her girlfriend and then back at the smug man blocking their way and told him not so politely to "move his [explative] foot."

With an over-the-top sense of indignation, the man compared my wife to a stuck up female member of the canine species. I am certain that this man thought he was trying to be cute, or funny. After all, my wife and her friends are beautiful women and people "flirt" in bars. But this is the same kind of covert sexual aggression that women face every day in social settings and in the workplace.

Now, back to the article for a moment, which spends a great deal of time discussing the rape of men. I am not going to do that. I am going to pull a Mr. Spock and remind you all that "the needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few." When the statistics show that one in five women are raped in their lifetime as opposed to one out of seventy-one men will have that experience, I am going to place the focus of my response to this article where it can do the most good. Respectfully—I do not wish to diminish the trauma of men, but let's be real; 

When the National Sexual Violence Resource Center points out that eight out of every ten cases of rape, the victim knew the person who sexually assaulted them, and that 91% of victims are female  the problem is largely self-evident.

I have a lot of women in my life! Having been married for nearly twenty years to the most amazing woman I have ever known. I also have three beautiful daughters. I have two mothers, and a sister who mean the world to me. I ask myself often "how would I respond if something happened to one of them?" As a martial artist, former competitor, firearms instructor and Marine, I have looked into developing rape prevention programs before. I have presented you the comments about concealed carry and combatives training are an answer—but to me that is only a small part of the answer and does not address the bigger problem. The Washington Post article does speak to that issue, and some of the readers picked up on it.

"To have anti-rape campaigns that focus on teaching not only what constitutes sexual assault but that actively teach not to be a rapist? ...After all, the only one in control of whether a sexual assault is attempted is the perpetrator... ...if our culture insists on perpetuating the lie that clothing leads to rape, despite all evidence to the contrary, then the problem is our culture."

Yes, our problem is our culture.

How many men like the one who harassed my wife and her friends, would knock a guy off his barstool had it been their wife, daughter or mother being prevented from going somewhere by some clown claiming he had a broken foot? How many men would stand for their daughter to be objectified, groped or God forbid assaulted? What would they do if it was someone important to them?

That feeling is a concept that Central Michigan University Associate Professor Stephen M. Thompson has used for years to reach each and every incoming freshman—regardless of their gender or sexual orientation. For those who advocate combatives training and concealed carry, consider Thompson's story: 

Thompson, a skilled martial artist was asked by his University to provide sexual assault prevention training early in his career in response to a sexual predator who had attacked several women in the area. Thompson agreed and taught the class. When one of his students was brutally raped, he went to visit her in the hospital. Her words to him altered his life from that moment on. Those words were, "I did what you taught me, why didn't it work?" 

Thompson spent years interviewing victims and offenders learning the dynamics of sexual aggression and violence. His program "No Zebras No Excuses" is nothing short of incredible, and illustrates clearly that a culture can be changed. The title is based on the concept of a herd of Zebras grazing when a lion attacks. The lion singles out the weakest animal and pounces. The rest of the herd scatters, but once the lion begins to feed will resume grazing... sometimes only a few feet away from where their fallen comrade is being devoured. 

I believe in chivalry. Some women want to be “empowered” and open their own doors, seat themselves and that is just fine. I am not saying anything to the contrary. I am saying that I open doors for my wife. I have her go before me in line. I open the car door for her, and pull out her chair—and I make a big show of all these things in front of my six children. I want my daughters to see the respect I have for my wife. I want them to see things that they should expect from a man. I want for my sons to know how to respect and treat a woman. It may be silly, and maybe to some even a little chauvinistic. But I just can't help but think that if my girls know what respect looks like from a man, they will look for men who will treat them that way... and then I won't have to worry as much about the rest.

It may be naive, but it gets me through the teenage years with some sense of hope.

Finding that hope isn't always easy. I look at the statistics on sexual assault, and I realize that I have three daughters who have to face this reality. Three daughters who will have to endure the same nonsense that my wife had to endure—and continues to endure as a woman. I worry that someone will hurt them, no matter how much self-respect and esteem I help them to build.  It saddens me that I have to teach my daughters how to protect themselves from the world, just because they were born women.

Remember those zebras? Yeah. What if instead of running away, they took on that lion? It isn't enough that we teach men to respect women. We live in an age where instead of standing up and doing what is right, we break out our cell phones and start recording. If you think it can't happen in cases of sexual assault, guess again. It just happened in Ohio last week.

http://www.cnn.com/2016/04/14/us/ohio-periscope-rape-case/'

We need to change our culture.

We need men to treat women as they would expect men to treat their mothers, their sisters, their wives, and their daughters. We as a society need to be responsible for ourselves and our behaviors... but we also need to be responsible for our fellow men and women. We need to act instead of hiding our heads in the sand. We need to confront and correct negative behaviors when we see them. If it was someone important to you, wouldn't you want someone to help?

We need to stand up to the lions of the word. Stop blaming the victims and take responsibility for our own actions. Otherwise...

We are still savages.

"Do Nothing that is of no Use, Pilgrim."

There is a great quote, attributed to John Wayne. It goes like this;

“Talk low, talk slow, and don’t say too much.”

Sometimes you can make a big statement in a few carefully chosen words. This is not something that I am very good at, as those of you who read my posts likely already know. However, this week I am not going to do the talking! In the spirit of John Wayne's wisdom, here are ten of my favorite quotes from some of the historical figures I admire most--in ten words or less!

“Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional.” 

- Haruki Murakami 

“Do nothing that is of no use.” 

- Miyamoto Musashi

“Smooth seas do not make skillful sailors.”

- African Proverb

"No great thing is created suddenly."

- Epictetus

“Always get over heavy ground as lightly as you can.” 

- Duke of Wellington

gnōthi seauton “Know thyself.” 

- Socrates

“Success is how high you bounce when you hit rock bottom.” 

-George S. Patton

“Pretend inferiority and encourage his arrogance” 

- Sunzi

“A good commander is benevolent and unconcerned with fame.” 

-Sunzi

We are still Savages

The Craigosaurus Rex

“You said it, Chewie. Boy, where'd you dig up that old fossil?”

--Han Solo, Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope

The other day, a colleague of mine and I were having lunch. This particular individual is a gentleman whom I enjoy speaking with, not only for his intellect but his wit as well, and I have a tremendous amount of respect for him.

The conversation turned to recent events in the company’s history and how they were moving to adapt. From there the discussion become one of ethics and values (as it often does when I am conversing with intelligent people), to which I said this:

“America was founded on the principal of ‘rugged individualism.’ That anyone can be anything they want to be, as long as they work hard and make the right decisions. Unfortunately that has evolved to a point where ‘hard work’ and those ‘right decisions’ come at the expense of other people.”

I explained;

“An example; when I was a kid, and someone new moved into the neighborhood, my mom would bake cookies and shove us out the door so that my sister and I could introduce ourselves and welcome the new family to the area. Now, when my wife and I bought our first house, nobody brought cookies. Occasionally someone would walk by and point at the house as if to say ‘Oh look, Maude. Someone bought the ole’ Johnston house.’ But nobody stopped by until we had cause to be in the yard at the same time, or pulling into the driveway at the same time. It may have been a month before we met any of our neighbors.”

I went on:

“We have lost our sense of community to the ‘everyone for themselves,’ mentality. Communities take care of each other, help others when they are low, bring them cookies when they move in. Now we look for ways to improve our own standing, often at the cost of others. Rather than owning up to their mistakes, people look for someone to throw under the bus. We have lost our honor, and we have lost our sense of what is right. We have lost our sense of how we fit into a society, or into a business or into the ‘big picture’ period. Instead of ‘women and children first’ we are all pushing each other out of the way for the last live preserver on the Titanic. 

My friend looked at me and said, “Wow. That is really an antiquated view of things in this day and age. You are kind of a dinosaur.”

We all know what happened to the dinosaurs, right?

To me, we have taken this sense of individualism and brought it full circle. Once this method forged greatness in America. This notion had us revered and respected in the world. We were tenacious, we were tough... We did the right thing because it was the right thing to do, and to hell with the consequences or anyone who thought differently. Somewhere along the line that train go derailed. Now the ‘right thing to do’ is the right thing for us, and ‘to hell with the consequences for anyone who gets in my way.” Here we are again, but instead of “everyone for themselves,” we have contractual loopholes and legalese to take advantage of others weaknesses. 

I understand the warrior’s ethic to win the battle at any cost. But I also know that the warrior’s purpose is to protect, not to steal and pillage, and that the need to ‘win at any cost’ must be for a just and noble cause, rather than for personal gain.

I am a dinosaur.

For if given the choice between injuring someone else for my own gain, and my honor. I will choose my honor.

When we continue to victimize others to support our own social position or lifestyle, when we take the “everyone for themselves” viewpoint...

We are still savages.

The Limits of Virtue

Tyrtaeus was a Spartan poet, known for his works from the Second Messenian War. It is almost hard to imagine a Spartan with a poet's soul, but when one reads the lyrical verso of Tyrtaeus, it is clear to see that this was a poet with a warrior's soul.

The poet writes; 

"You should reach the limits of virtue, before you cross the border of death."

While it is probably safe to assume that Tyrtaeus was speaking of death on the battlefield, I want to put it out there for those of you reading in a lighter context. 

We are only hear for a short time.

What legacy will you leave behind in your business life as well as your personal life? Will you "reach the limits of virtue" or will you succeed at any cost... including your own values and ethics? Will you redefine your values or ethics to accomplish your task?

It is important to remember the people who get us where we are. Our employees who work for us. Our families who sacrifice for us when we work those long hours to get the job done. How do we treat them? What would they say about us as employers, and does it matter to you at all?

It seems to be more and more difficult to take the high road these days. Yet, Spartans are still revered today. Almost three thousand years after his death, we are talking about a warrior and his ethics. What will your descendants be saying about you in three thousand years? 

We are still savages.

Lost are the Ways of the Warrior

Friends,

It is time to stop with the emotionally charged responses to the ongoing plague of violence in this country. All the statistics, all of the cliché arguments do nothing, and I mean nothing to solve the problem. The media tells you what they want you to hear, and shows you what they want you to see. Our political leadership turns the names of the victims into weapons to strike at their opponents.

Make no mistake; there is no amount of legislation that is going to make this problem go away. The solution does however lie in the capable hands of “We, the People.”

In this installment, I am going to express to you my frustration with both sides of the gun argument, and where I feel the problem with our mass killings really lies.

Let me begin with who I am:

Me teaching a firearms safety class.

I am a warrior, descended from warriors. I am a former United States Marine, an outdoorsman, gun owner and enthusiast. I am even a National Rifle Association certified instructor. One may assume from this statement that I am part of the “Pro-Gun” camp.

My six children have never fired a gun. They have never played with toy guns. Firearm replicas were never allowed in my home. It has only been since my oldest daughter turned sixteen that we have begun the process of learning firearms safety. My children are not allowed to watch violent television programs (I can count on one hand the number of episodes of “Mighty Morphin Power Rangers” they have seen).

do not believe in open carry, I believe in background checks and age requirements. I guess one may assume that from this statement I am in the “Anti-Gun” camp.

Here is where “the middle” expresses itself. All I ask, is that you take the time to read this through to the end, and judge when it’s over.

To the “Pro Gun people, I say this;

Please. Just. Stop.

That "Certain Demographic."

Without fail, every time there is a firearms related tragedy, the first thing that follows are a rash of loud emotional ejaculations from a certain demographic. While, their educated and well spoken face is the National Rifle Association, the more common one is a stereotypical caricature of the red blooded American, posting in all caps on social media “They can have my gun when they pry it from my cold, dead hands!”

Sadly, these posts come across as uneducated and ridiculous as the cartoon characters who misspell them all over the internet.

As a responsible gun owner, these are the last people I want representing me or “fighting for my rights.” These are not representative of me and the majority of gun enthusiasts I associate with, yet I find myself again and again counted amongst them, because of their outspoken hyperbole.

Gun enthusiasts are not, uneducated simpleton masses.

Yet over and over, Facebook, Twitter and other online outlets produce ludicrous statements that others will blindly repost as truth. These arguments are irrational, and illogical, and do about as much good for the gun rights cause, as a thimble would when bailing out a sinking ship.

What is worse is that these kinds of people profess to represent me.

It is one thing to say something that makes you sound stupid. It is another entirely to include me in that stupidity. These are direct quotes that I have seen on the internet, spelling and all!

“Mass shootings have been around forever. Back in the day we had flintlock rifles. It took longer, but still.”

What?

This would be a "flintlock mass shooting."

Flintlock rifles were used in mass volleys, not mass shootings! It took a skilled rifleman close to a minute to reload a long rifle! During that time his enemy had the ability to beat him to death with a club, tomahawk or even a tree branch. Not the same thing as an AR platform rifle with a thirty plus round magazine! Not even close!

“Might as well ban spoons, they make people fat. Might as well ban tires, because cars run over people. Ban swimming pools, they drown people.”

At least this statement I can applaud the attempt at using consistent reasoning while comparing apples to oranges. Of course, wheels were designed to facilitate movement, spoons for eating without making a mess, and swimming pools for getting wet. A firearm is, on the other hand, a machine specifically designed to launch projectiles at extremely high velocity through flesh with the intent of killing a target. Be it for food on the table, or in defense of one’s life, killing is the purpose of the firearm.

“Guns are just tools.”

Me, using the "tool" to kill some paper.

Yes. Tools designed for killing things. I believe I have already established that.

“More guns in the hands of law abiding citizens, is the best deterrent against these guys committing these mass shootings.”

I could not disagree with this statement more. Currently in most places, the NRA “Personal Protection Inside the Home” course is all that is required to obtain a concealed carry permit. There is no standard for qualification with a handgun that I have ever seen in the last twenty years. A few hours of lecture and putting five holes in a paper plate at 7 yards and you too can go about strapped.
Two years ago I attended a gun show in Tampa Bay. I was treated to a person outside the entrance, clearing a pump shotgun with the barrel pointed at my head so closely that I physically pushed it out of my space. While I was there I observed people walking around with handguns in their pockets, small children holding pistols while riding on the shoulders of their adult, and a twenty something with greasy blonde hair sauntering about twirling a six shooter on his finger like Johnny Ringo in the bar scene from Tombstone.

This experience did not fill me with a lot of confidence. These are the people who carry every day!

Even those who are safety minded and want to be responsible can be problematic. An October 3rd article on Guns.com articulates my reasoning far better than I could have said on my own. Author Jeffrey Denning, divides shooters into four categories:

The Unconscious incompetent shooter is described as “a shooter who doesn’t know what he doesn’t know.” Someone who might “immediately tune me out when he realizes I am suggesting he change his technique.” Denning says in his article, “My guess is that even if I videotaped these types of shooters, they still might not have a clue what they are doing wrong, because in their mind, they can’t be wrong.”

The Conscious incompetent shooter is “much more self-aware,” Denning says, but goes on to say “that doesn’t mean, however, that this person is destined to become a good or even a decent shooter.”

The Conscious competent is self aware and has developed competent shooting skills. They understand what they are doing right or wrong and what it takes to make fixes.” Most shooters, says Denning “drift between type two and three.” He plainly and accurately states that “Repetition is all law of learning,” and that these shooters “know that improper repetition can create bad habits.”

Finally, Unconscious competent shooters are skilled tactical and technical shooters, “who have the right mindset” and have “put in the work many times over and can now perform single or multiple actions during a lethal confrontation.”

As a Marine, I had to be able to disassemble and reassemble my M16 A2 service rifle in seconds... while blindfolded. I spent hours “snapping in,” in the dust of Camp Pendleton. We drilled daily, over and over with our rifles until our actions became muscle memory. I learned to shoot with iron sights at two, three and five hundred meter distances. I earned the “expert” marksman badge every year I qualified during my enlistment.

Truer words have never been spoken...

With all of my handguns, rifles and shotguns over the years, I have made a point to have the same familiarity with all of them.

How many concealed carry permit holders can say the same thing? How many have purchased a weapon and put it in their holster or in their purse and never take it out and use it? How many have invested in tactical shooting instruction? How many really know the capabilities and limitations of their weapon? I know that the circumstances I would be willing to engage in a firefight would be different if I was carrying my Smith & Wesson .380, or my 9mm Glock.

More guns in the hands of unconscious incompetent or even conscious competent shooters is not a deterrent. It is a disaster waiting to happen.

Finally, to all the Pro Gun crows who supports open carry I say this: Open carry is not the world I want to live in.

On July 16th of this year, a lone gunman opened fire on an Armed Forces Recruiting Office in Chattanooga, Tennessee leaving four of my fellow Marines dead, along with one Naval Petty Officer. In the wake of this event, armed citizens took it upon themselves to “defend our defenders” under the rallying call “Freedom.”

“Freedom?”

These fine warriors took an oath to defend this country against all enemies foreign and domestic. They did this by travelling to distant lands that many of us only see in pictures of children

clutching AK 47’s while standing in front of bomb ravaged buildings. Many argue that we “fight the enemy on their ground, so we do not have to fight them on ours.”

Guess what. The enemy has won.

Because now, I see pictures of my own country with people draped in the American flag holding their AR platform rifles in front of bomb ravaged buildings. Freedom indeed. We look just like these “third world” countries we profess to be superior to.

Scary Weirdos Guarding Recruiters.
What the rest of the world sees when they
 see "Americans."

What is worse? The ones doing the “Freedom” stuff gaining international attention (That’s right, folks... this is the news that is broadcast around the world.) are idiots wearing kilts, and long underwear to these events! To be honest, I do not fear my daily trips through “the hood,” nearly as much as I fear the idea of running into these ass clowns!

Now, to the Anti Gun people I say this: Please. Just. Stop.

Your emotional overreaction to

these tragedies is equally as disgusting as the ignorant ranting of your opponents. Your righteous indignation is just as illogical and inane as the Pro Gun coalition. The knee jerk reaction to enact gun control measures will accomplish precisely zero in the short term, and even less in the long run.

Banning firearms: Making guns illegal will not stop criminals from committing crimes with guns. The idea that it will is so beyond fantasy, that I cannot formulate a metaphor that will do it justice. Making things illegal in hopes of solving problems has been tried and has failed repeatedly in this country.

First we tried with alcohol during the 1920’s. Prohibitions failure did not stop the U.S. Government from trying again in 1971 with President Nixon declaring “War on Drugs.”

Alcohol is now legal.

Drugs are just as prevalent now as they were in 1970.

Firearms are so prolific, that their accessibility would be virtually unchanged. Even if we were able to successfully eliminate all firearms sales and manufacturing, the resulting black market would fill the void without skipping a beat. The demand is already there, and there are plenty of suppliers out there eager to meet it—legally or not.

On August 11th of this year, ATF agents in Blytheville, Arkansas charged 70 individuals with illegal firearms trafficking.

In South Texas, 22 individuals were arrested in an operation that had young housewives purchasing over 200 AK47s for illegal transfer to Mexican gangs in February of 2012.

September of 2007 saw 12 suspected drug dealers, 59 illegal firearms and $187,000 worth of narcotics taken off the streets in Savannah and Chatham Counties in Georgia.

Guns are not going away. If you have stayed with me this far in hopes of reading some sort of profound solution to this catastrophic failure in our society, well, here it is.

This problem is not going away in our lifetime because we have strayed from the path. This is a cultural problem, not a gun problem.

We are a society ruled by our emotions. The entirety of my post to this point has been a direct reflection of our When I look at the tragedy, when I look at the grief, especially having tasted it myself many times, I realize that we are a nation of cowards without honor.

For when we are hurting, when we are wronged, we lash out at others making them hurt, and avenging ourselves often inappropriately.

Often we avenge ourselves on those who have done us no wrong, or wished no ill upon us. Our media bombards us with these stories— normalizes this behavior. Our social media perpetuates it, inspires others with it. Were we a culture of warriors, this would not be so.

“True Warriors have no reason to be cruel. They do not need to prove their strength. Warriors are courteous even to their enemies. Warriors are not only respected for their strength in battle but also by their dealings with others.” 
Bushido—Rei.

The hope for a solution lies in you and me teaching our children the warrior values. Red Cloud of the Oglala Lakota Sioux once said; “I am poor and naked, but I am the chief of the nation. We do not want riches but we do want to train our children right.”

Red Cloud

This is done by showing them love and respect. We cannot expect our children or our youth to respect us if we do not respect them, and we cannot respect our children or our youth if we do not first respect ourselves.

It is our moral and legal obligation to set boundaries and provide structure for our young people to grow and develop. We control their environment to allow them to safely take risks and get hurt enough to learn the important life lessons. We must teach them that it is okay to lose, and that everyone does at some point—but that they don’t have to like it.

It is important for us to let our children experience pain, and loss. These things are inevitable and unavoidable. Recently, a tragic event took place in which one of my young son’s friend was swept away by a rip current and drowned. My son was born just a few weeks after the death of his sister, thus he never met his sibling, but knew that she had been a huge part of his family.

He knew she was dead, but the understanding of the permanence of death escaped him. While he and I were processing this experience, he suddenly realized that his friend was nine years old, and that he was nine years old, and that his sister had been nearly nine years old when she passed. At nine, my son became aware of what it means to be mortal.

Because death is inevitable, and because of the deep wounds it causes, learning to deal with death and loss is just as important as proper medical care is to the healing of any physical wound. We must teach our young to honor all life, and that indiscriminate killing only leads to a dark place.

This is a forgotten value that spans all cultures. The Abrahamic religions God said to Adam and Eve, “Reign over the fish in the sea, the birds in the sky, and all the animals that scurry along the ground,” but did not instruct them to be cruel or inhumane.

The Holy Prophet of Islam has said "Whoever is kind to the creatures of God, is kind to himself."

The Creed of the Buddhist Shaolin Temple ends in the words, “For all life is precious, and cannot be replaced.”

My Native ancestors did not kill indiscriminately, but utilized every part of the animal for their survival. There was a deep reciprocal admiration for the animals, for the plants, and for each other. The great Lakota shaman, Sitting Bull stated very eloquently;

Sitting Bull

“Every seed is awakened and so is all animal life. It is through this mysterious power that we too have our being and we therefore yield to our animal neighbors the same right as ourselves, to inhabit this land.”

When we respect ourselves, and we respect life, and when we learn to respect that spark in others, we have returned to the way of the warrior. Being a warrior is not about inflicting damage on others. It is about protecting ourselves and our own.

When we have the mindset of protecting ourselves and our own, we will develop the skills and tools necessary to do so. With our increased proficiency, comes an increase in confidence. With our increased confidence comes an increase in our self-respect. When we have self-respect, we find it easy to respect others. When we respect others, we do not seek to harm them, even when we ourselves may be mortally wounded.

Violence is a reality. We are a long way from returning to the Warrior Culture of dignity, honor and respect. I hope to instill these values in my children. I hope they will instill those values in theirs. I hope to cause through my children, the ripples to expand across our society and eventually restore the warrior ethic. If I can leave nothing else for my children and those youth I have worked with over the years it is Meiyo—honor.

We have lost our sense of honor. Honor no longer drives a person from actions that bring shame to themselves, their family or their name. These mass shootings are the quintessential example of dishonor—the blatant slaughter of innocent men, women and children without cause or justification other than to wound, and then shamefully taking one’s own life, robbing the families and loved ones of any hope of answers, closure or justice. 

Violence is a reality, but nonviolence is another path.

Nonviolence leads to the highest ethics, which is the goal of all evolution. Until we stop harming all other living beings... 

we are still savages.